- A terror-school leaving certificate from a competent and skilled trainer.
- A couple of years of on-job-training in Kashmir, Afghanistan or FATA.
- A strong belief that every one is infidel except you.
- Eat Fauji Corn Flakes for a couple of days before the attack. Fauji Corn flakes are prepared from hand picked corn from military estate forms. They release energy in the body very slowly, helping Mujahideen survive long hours of battle.
- Buy a Bluetooth mobile phone.
- Visit the base a couple of times before the attack. If you don’t have the bus fare to travel to the base, you can seek inside help.
- The prayer leader of the mosque in the base will be your major source of contact. He is like Facebook of all people who will support your plan.
- Buy a pirated CD of star-wars from a roadside stall. The CD stalls outside madrassas who only sell sermon CDs, will provide you star-wars CD with a little extra money.
- Watch the movie and buy star-war costume.
- Meanwhile, ask your friends in the base to give you mobile photographs of all key points.
- Now buy adequate amount of weapons. Since adequate is a vague term and weapons are heavy to carry, just buy a few weapons and use weapons and ammunition from inside the base.
- Don’t worry for any resistance. The confused reporters that will reach the place of attack immediately, will be as clueless as the security personnel who will reach the place of attack after four hours.
- Leave the base as silently as you entered it.
- Don’t forget to make a statement to the media, claiming the responsibility of the attack, because, otherwise, it will cost a reporter his life to do so.
- Try to give as little embarrassment to your ex-masters as possible. Preferably wall-chalk the number of attackers inside the base. The confusion over this number can be very embarrassing.
- Get a fresh hair cut. Your dead body is likely to be photographed by the Interior Ministr’s Blackberry. Appearance does matter even after you die. So avoid ill fitting clothes and slippers.