Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Types of boogers

Personal grooming!
Spotting a nose picker in the public has always remained my hobby. I was waiting at the traffic signal near Cavalery Ground, Lahore, when a Toyota Land Cruiser stopped in the adjacent lane. I was checking out people in other vehicles, while thumping the car’s floor with my foot on radio’s tune.
Sitting in the Land Cruiser was a sophisticated person, wearing shartched shalwar kameez, picking his nose. The guy was pushing the digit of his right index finger in his nose, unaware of his action and surroundings.Stigma attached with nose picking is severe than that associated with so many other social vices. Below is the list of various boogers and their attributes.

Catch of the day
The irritant booger: 
The irritant booger is the one which refuses to dislodge itself from the nose. Despite the nosepicker’s desperate attempts to get hold of it between his index finger’s flesh and nail, the irritant booger doesn’t get caught. With every push of the digit inside the nose, it appears to go up and up and then vanishes in some blackhole. During the pitched battle, the inside skin of the nose gets scratched sometimes. Most nosepickers would take out the finger from their nose to rub-rotate it around their corresponding thumb before rubbing the finger with their clothes.

The mysterious booger: 
The mysterious booger can be felt but can’t be grasped and removed. Its soft and wet. The digit of the index finger can easily trace its contours, but dislodging and removing it becames a daunting task. The mysterious booger foils the nosepicker’s attempts to pick it out with the help of thumb and index finger. The only way to remove this booger is to corner it with the index finger’s digit and then drag it out. Its removal leaves a victory grin on nose picker’s face.
The nose picker celebrates the occasion by rolling the booger between his thumb and index finger before throwing it on the floor. Sometimes the nose picker tries to relocate the booger ball on the floor, but always fails.

The Sticky booger. 
This booger is humble and leaves the nose easily. Its only drawback is its dog-like faithfulness with nosepicker. It’s adhesiveness makes it stick with the nose-picker’s finger. When he tries to flip it away from the finger with the thumb, it attaches itself with the thumb. It also foils nose picker’s three/four more attempts to flip it away, embarrassing him to a great deal. Most of sticky boogers are got ridden of by rubbing the finger below the table.
Next time when you feel the rough surface under the table at an expensive restuarant, safely assume it to be someone’s dried up sticky booger.
"I know he picks his nose. I felt under his furniture." Van Lane Ferguson, We Bark at Midnight (1962)
The mighty booger. 
This booger is so big that it’s removal from the nose catches the nose picker with a surprise bigger than the angler who catches a big fish in the Amazon river. The booger-whose-size-does-matter leaves the nose and creates some vacuum inside. An air pocket of considerable size rushes inside the nose to replace the space vacated by the mighty booger. Post-removal benefits experienced by nose pickers include ease in breathing and keeping the head high.

The Installment booger. 
As its name suggests, the installment booger leaves the nose in installments. After singling out the installment booger, the noes picker breakes a small part of it and takes it out.
Then breaks another small piece of it and takes it out.
Then breaks another small piece of it and takes it out.
Then breaks another small piece of it and takes it out.
Then breaks another small piece of it and takes it out.
Then breaks another small piece of it and takes it out.
"Pickem Lickem Rollem Flickem."
Only those people dare to pick the installment booger who are expert time managers or are multi-taskers. Best time to pick the installment booger is when waiting for an interview sitting among other candidates. Many such pickings are observed in meetings where intellectuals share their vision with members of the public. Audience can be seen pondering over the intellectual discourse while removing the installment booger.

The malnourished booger: 
The malnourished booger is found dried up in the nose. The moment a person touches his/her nose, this booger falls out of the nostril like dead birds fall from trees during winter.

PS: More kinds of boogers will be discussed some other time. Readers' input in welcome.

13 comments:

  1. i have boogers fall out of my nose as i am just sitting there..not even touching my nose.

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  2. Oh you! You forgot the Sheet variety which forms on the inside of the septum and can only be retrieved by use of the finger-print area of the pinky finger rubbing ever so gently on the septum. This bogger comes out as a semi solid sheet formed on the septum, varies in color from almost clear to pollen infested yellow or green, and sometimes attaches to a "Slimer" type which extends well into the sinus cavity. The sheet can extend, when attached to the Sinus Slimer, upwards of two inches in length and 1 in girth.

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    Replies
    1. Woah! I thought I was the only one!

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    2. I call it the "wallpaper" booger.

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  3. Wow. This is nasty,you have some serious issues ya weirdo. How would you know the type's unless you have tried before. You are an x-booger picker!

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    Replies
    1. Like ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww




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  4. where is the horrible type of booger??

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  5. one must be named as bubble gum see this
    http://muftpakistan.blogspot.com/search/label/just%20for%20share

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  6. tHIS IS HILARIOUS. bRILLIANT OBSERVATION AND WELL WORDED.

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  7. http://muftpakistan.blogspot.com/

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  8. the Shard ... where if you put pressure anywhere on the outside of the nose it feels as though you are attempting to peirce the nose from the inside out.

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  9. Don't forget the trap door, as you exhale it opens to let the air out. When you inhale it closes up and you have to breathe though your mouth.

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