Friday, October 29, 2010

Ten reasons not to read Pakistani columnists

I have decided to list the reasons why Indians or Western writers cut an imposing figure over their Pakistani counterparts. 

1. Writers in other countries write for readers. Writers in Pakistan write for themselves and their colleagues.
2. Pakistani writers use difficult words for easy words and long words for short words.
3. Pakistani writers use outdated vocabulary, unaware of the fact that not all of their readership is their contemporary.
4. Pakistani writers love cliches. Pick any columnist. Start reading his last ten articles. You will find the repetition of certain words and expressions in every column.
5. Pakistani writers have subjective approach. They will call a mountain beautiful, but will not give readers facts for their calling the mountain beautiful.
6. We live on adjectives. Our bad is bad because it’s bad; and good is good because it’s good. Why bad and why good has never bothered us.
7. We love writing hollow and useless sentences. Pick the column of any leading columnist and read it. Now start cutting every other sentence. Re-read the opinion when you are done with the cutting. The write-up will make more sense this time.
8. They have bad reading habits. All our columnist survive on the books they have read during their youth. They always quote Czar and Napoleon as if all the remaining historic figures do not exist.
9. They are sadist people. There is depression and helplessness in columns published in newspapers. Hope is a taboo these days in Pakistan.
10. Zardari alone is corrupt in Pakistan. All writers agree on this one-liner.

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